Light at the end of the tunnel 

After posting my heartfelt blog “behind every smile” about my battle with depression. https://adventuresofcumbrianblondie.co.uk/2015/09/09/behind-every-smile/I was completely blown away by people’s response. The phrase “brave for sharing” was banded around. I guess it was brave to expose myself in that way for all to see. I think the stigma surrounding mental health is getting better, people are more accepting and understanding of it. 

Someone asked me when I write my blog, how do you perceive it coming across to others? I don’t really think about it, I just write, kind of like talking to myself. It feels cathartic writing things down. I never think people will read it but they do.

What was surprising, was the amount of people going through the same thing. People identifying with what I had written, which was a comfort and made me feel more normal. Whatever “normal” is.  I was completely overwhelmed by peoples messages of support. 

My counselling finished a few months ago. I’m on my own now. This is a scary thought. What has counselling taught me? That it’s ok and normal to not feel ok. To tell people that you are not ok. To just let the bad feelings ride and not try to control them. This is much harder that I thought and still find myself slipping back. Getting cross with myself for not being perfect. My counsellor said it is re training yourself so set backs are learning. I do feel better in myself but just recently felt a blip coming on, so it is back to my book and try to be my own counsellor.

People are too quick to say  “I am so depressed” and then by magic the next minute all is ok with the world. It makes me really cross. Having the odd “down” day does not mean you have depression. Not that I am now the expert before I get a barrage of abuse. Having been through it, it isn’t something which goes away fully you just learn to live with it and ride the bumps which come your way. My friend sent me this quote from a book: 

Depression is also… Smaller than you.Always, it is smaller than you, even when it feels vast. It operates within you, you do not operate within it. It may be a dark cloud passing across the sky, but – if that is the metaphor – you are the sky.

You were there before it. And the cloud can’t exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud. 

 When things feel bad it never lasts forever. Keep heading for the light. 

 


9 thoughts on “Light at the end of the tunnel 

  1. Wow, you are a very brave lady in baring your soul this way, your blog makes interesting reading and hope and pray that the light at the end of your tunnel is getting brighter each day. It’s been both an honour and pleasure to have come across you and thank you for letting me in so to speak, very inspirational indeed..

  2. Hi Gina, sorry I missed your first post so had no idea, I’m hopeless at this social media thing 🙂 Anyway just wanted to add my support for what it’s worth. Have never had depression but my ex girlfriend had/has it, and from what I’ve heard you’re right to try to learn to live with it, ride the waves. No one is perfect out there, too many ready to judge others. We are all a bit crazy, some in better ways than others, but you’ll be fine chuck, thanks for all the sharing 🙂

    1. Hello lovely, I’m no way an expert just kinda telling like it is for me. Perfection is overrated but try telling inner Gina that one 😉 hope you’re well x

  3. Incredibly good writing Gina – hit home with me totally as have had Bi-Polar disorder & clinical depression for years. We are not alone in our struggles & I thank you for voicing this in such a positive way. Sam Josh Cornovii Press

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