After posting my heartfelt blog “behind every smile” about my battle with depression. https://adventuresofcumbrianblondie.co.uk/2015/09/09/behind-every-smile/I was completely blown away by people’s response. The phrase “brave for sharing” was banded around. I guess it was brave to expose myself in that way for all to see. I think the stigma surrounding mental health is getting better, people are more accepting and understanding of it.
Someone asked me when I write my blog, how do you perceive it coming across to others? I don’t really think about it, I just write, kind of like talking to myself. It feels cathartic writing things down. I never think people will read it but they do.
What was surprising, was the amount of people going through the same thing. People identifying with what I had written, which was a comfort and made me feel more normal. Whatever “normal” is. I was completely overwhelmed by peoples messages of support.
My counselling finished a few months ago. I’m on my own now. This is a scary thought. What has counselling taught me? That it’s ok and normal to not feel ok. To tell people that you are not ok. To just let the bad feelings ride and not try to control them. This is much harder that I thought and still find myself slipping back. Getting cross with myself for not being perfect. My counsellor said it is re training yourself so set backs are learning. I do feel better in myself but just recently felt a blip coming on, so it is back to my book and try to be my own counsellor.
People are too quick to say “I am so depressed” and then by magic the next minute all is ok with the world. It makes me really cross. Having the odd “down” day does not mean you have depression. Not that I am now the expert before I get a barrage of abuse. Having been through it, it isn’t something which goes away fully you just learn to live with it and ride the bumps which come your way. My friend sent me this quote from a book:
Depression is also… Smaller than you.Always, it is smaller than you, even when it feels vast. It operates within you, you do not operate within it. It may be a dark cloud passing across the sky, but – if that is the metaphor – you are the sky.
You were there before it. And the cloud can’t exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud.
When things feel bad it never lasts forever. Keep heading for the light.