Dear Dad

This week marks 33 years since you passed away. They say time brings acceptance, but as each year that passes it makes me feel sad that I can’t really remember what you looked like, or how it felt to be cuddled by you, what you sounded like. I feel cross that I only have a couple of pictures of you. That all my childhood pictures mysteriously disappeared.

When Evie was alive, she kept you alive for me. Sat on her sofa telling me stories of me being your shadow, screaming the house down when I wasn’t with you. I miss my big sister, I miss you. All through my life feeling as if something was missing. It was you.

Of course back then, they was no councilling, your name was never mentioned unless I was in Evie’s company. When mum remarried, people in the village were patronising saying “you’re getting a new dad” ermm no my dad is dead was my reply but they just didn’t listen.

Since you’ve gone, I hated Christmas even as a child. I miss you, it reminds me of you dying. Standing there in the side room of the hospital, being told to say our goodbyes. Kissing your waxy skin telling you I loved you. Acting older than my 10 years.

I hope you look down and are proud. I’ve tried my best, sometimes too trying. I love you Dad. Wish heaven had a phone sometimes.

Published by Gina

Oxford Girl living in the North. Nearly a northerner as have lived in Kendal for over 25 years. Enjoys knife throwing, running, fell walking, snapping pics on my travels round the Lakes and being a domestic goddess. My Chocolate Brownies are legendary so I am told.

3 thoughts on “Dear Dad

  1. I feel your pain Gina, I was eleven when my dad passed, never gets easier, and like you, the time of year always hurts, for me it’s the New Year, don’t celebrate it to this day. Thank you for sharing (hugs) :0)x

  2. How touching your letter is and thank you for sharing it
    Your father and sister would of course be proud of you , immensely proud and rightly so

    You have a lovely family to enjoy Christmas with

    Best wishes
    David

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