Another year has passed by in a blink of an eye, they say the older you get the quicker it passes. Though when I speak with my 2 stepsons, they think the same, I guess we are just leading busier lives.
2017 was another packed in year, lots of memories made. The end of year always makes me feel reflective, maybe this year more than most. They say that time is a great healer but as time passes memories fail and I feel sadder about my Dad not being around. The memory of him fades each year, it’s a long time since I saw him. He dying at Christmas when I was 10 is always there in the back of my mind.
Same for the baby thing, another year older, another year nearer to my body going into the menopause and it just hurts. It makes me feel and question what my purpose in life is. It has caused me to have a regressive dip into depression and panic attacks, I am so lucky to have close friends who are there to help or spot that I am having a tough time despite my outward appearance.
Depression and anxiety never goes away, how you cope is what defines it and asking for help is ok. It irritates me when people say “it’s ok for you, you’re so lucky” I guess that’s what people think when they look at a snapshot of my life posted on social media. I posted this and it sums it up for me. Never judge you don’t know what others have or do endure.
So how did last year’s resolutions fair:
I had my deferred London marathon place to complete in aid of Brathay. At the beginning of the year I’d had a never ending cold and not run for weeks. But going back to basics with my training plan, my body showed me how strong it was and got fit for the start line. It was utterly amazing running it with my friend Louise. Crossing the finish line with her will be one of those ever lasting memories. In my post marathon state I said to another friend Carolyn id run her first marathon with her. So in October I ran Chester marathon. I tore my calf 6 weeks before which was the most awful of timings. Again my body proved to me it was strong and got through it. Must be easier things to do.
A few things ticked off my fabulist. For those thinking what is this, it’s my bucket list but I’m not planning on dying anytime soon I hope. This year the following were ticked off : go on a Segway, do a firewalk, Tap dance, learn a strictly dance (did quick step and samba), sabered a champagne cork off, learnt poker, perfected applying make up and did a photo shoot including boudoir.
Conquer my fear of water
This is still work in progress but I have made huge steps towards this with my friend Sue. Going under water for the first time was exhilarating and scary in equal measure. Swimming properly rather than with my head on the surface. I was so proud when I actually swam in the lake. The plan was to swim the width of Windermere but poor Sue had family illness so we didn’t manage to get out. The lake isn’t going anywhere. Sue is so incredibly patient and a brilliant swimmer and I’m so grateful for her help.
Have time for me
Kinda work in progress. I guess it’s in my nature to put others first before me, sometimes to the detriment of me. I did make the decision to have some PT sessions, invest in me. The change in my body and strength has been amazing. Nat is such a fantastic trainer and every session is different. Doing the strength training really helped when I was injured before the Chester marathon. With a regressive dip with my mental health I learn it’s ok not to be ok, to show people this. That’s a huge step for me as I always have this default Gina everything is ok setting.
So 2018, what does that have in store? People mock New Year and resolutions, I must admit I hate the phrase NEW YEAR NEW YOU! You shouldn’t wait till a certain date to make change, everyday is precious. I do like the start of a new year as it’s like getting a new exercise book when you were at school. I used to think I’m going to be so neat in this book, usually halfway through it was a scrawling mess. I like the newness the prospect of what adventures lie ahead.
My resolutions for 2018
Fitness – continue getting stronger and toning up. I haven’t got any marathons planned, I’m toying with Manchester or Brathay but not entered. I am definitely doing the Coniston trail half again with Martin. It is much more fun running off road.
Conquering the lake – get back in the pool and keep on with getting my confidence in water. With the end plan of swimming the width of Windermere.
Focus on me- sounds selfish but it’s about giving myself time. To read more. I love reading but only give myself the luxury of doing it when on holiday. When I’m on holiday there are no distractions on my time or think I really should be doing something else. To also give myself a break. Sometimes it’s exhausting being me.
Continue ticking things off my fabulist – I have already got a sky dive booked for end of March. I’m jumping in aid of Great Air ambulance http://www.justgiving.com/Gina-Pennington4?utm_id=26
I am also doing Velocity zip wire in March too. Velocity opened a couple of weeks after I did the previous longest zip wire which was on my 40@40.
What are your resolutions? Whether you have some or not, have a fantastic 2018. January 1st is the first page in a 365 best seller.